Two months ago today was the worst day of my life. What do you do for the anniversary of something like that? I don't know. Right or wrong, I just tried to do what I had to do just like any other day. It makes you wonder when you realize that the best day of your life (22 May 2010) was just shy of 11 months before the worst day of your life (15 April 2011). Such a short glimpse of how good life can be followed by everything crashing in around me and making me realize that there really is no such thing as the "good life." I am just very thankful that even though life is not good, that God is good and there are friends and family that are good to add a bit of hope.
There are a lot of conflicts within my mind. Part of me knows that I need to try to continue on as close as I can get to normal. Right now the only part of normal that still exists is work. But part of my feels guilty about trying to get back to some form of normal.
Occasionally there will be a chuckle that sneaks out at a humorous comment. But on the other side of it, such a reaction feels so wrong because it is so opposite of the ache inside me.
I know I need to drive my vehicle and be able to do it well. But there is still this gnawing fear that my driving will end in another tragedy.
Dear Lord, please grant my mind peace and the assurance that you hold my future. Thank you for your grace.
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